Common Relationship Problems

Troubleshooting common issues

All relationships hit bumps in the road, but physical distance can cause some unique issues.

Here are some key concerns you might face, plus a few tips to help you navigate them.

Different relationship expectations

While even the firmest relationship goals can change over time, it never hurts to have a conversation in the beginning about what you hope comes from the relationship.

“Your expectations should align,” says AB. “Are you doing this for fun with no hopes of a long-term commitment? Do you just want a close friend or fling? Or are you hoping to grow good relationship skills and a shared life, even marriage? Have these talks early on.”

She also encourages keeping the discussion alive to make sure you’re on the same page about where the relationship is heading. Don’t be afraid to revisit initial expectations if things no longer feel quite right.

Trust issues

It may not be realistic for you (or your partner) to immediately reply to messages or phone calls. But you might notice, when you do talk, that they seem distracted or disinterested. If this becomes a pattern, you might feel worried, even jealous if you know they spend a lot of time with other friends.

These feelings are common, but they’re important to discuss. “Trust is critical,” AB says. “Responsiveness can help build trust, as can openness and honesty. Without responsiveness, the mind fills in the blanks with negatives.”

He encourages paying attention to your partner’s responses when you bring up these concerns. “Do they seem open and nondefensive? Do they have empathy for your worries?”

One partner puts more effort into the relationship

It’s impossible for one person to single-handedly maintain a relationship. Even if one of you has more going on, both parties should put effort into maintaining the relationship.

If you’re the one planning all the visits, initiating communication, and sending surprise care packages, you’ll likely just end up feeling frustrated down the line, not to mention somewhat insecure about your partner’s affections.

One answer to this issue? Better communication on both sides. If one of you has less emotional energy due to work obligations or stress, talk about it. Having an honest conversation about what you can both realistically contribute can help to lift some of the burden and ensure you both feel secure.

Avoiding conflict

Most people dislike conflict, especially in a relationship. If you see or talk to your partner less than you’d like, you might feel even more reluctant to have an argument and do whatever you can to keep calls and visits peaceful.

Long-distance relationships sometimes involve less conflict naturally. Disagreements over errands or household tasks, for example, probably won’t come up. But if you do have a difference of opinion, it’s important to say so, especially when it involves personal values or things that really matter.

Strongly opposing viewpoints can lead to conflict, but they can also help you recognize that a relationship may not work out long term. Don’t shy away from having discussions about intense topics, even if you believe you might end up disagreeing.

Trying to keep the relationship perfect and conflict-free can disguise incompatibilities or keep you from growing as partners.

These tips can help you navigate conflict productively.

Feeling uninvolved in each other’s lives

The physical distance separating you and your partner can make it seem as if you’re living completely separate lives, even if you both feel firmly committed.

“Creating a sense of a shared life is one unique issue that can come up,” AB says. “It’s really easy to take for granted that you know what goes on in your partner’s life, such as their job, their family, and their daily routines. This can be hard in a long-distance relationship.

To bridge this gap, keep each other informed about your daily lives. Share anecdotes about coworkers or what happened on your commute. Talk about what your friends are up to, your last hike, or what you’re making for dinner. Sharing photos of friends, pets, or things at home can also help decrease emotional distance.

“Even though you’re in different cities,” he adds, “there should still be some feeling that you’re in each other’s minds and hearts.”

Financial expectations

If you want to see each other regularly, you might have to invest a significant amount of time and money to make those visits. Those costs can quickly add up, even if you take turns scheduling time off work and paying for trips.

AB encourages people considering a long-distance relationship to think about these practical aspects. “I don’t think these challenges need to be deal breakers, but they can foster resentment if they’re unexpected,” he says.

Financial matters aren’t always the easiest topic to discuss, but it’s a good idea to communicate what you hope for in terms of visits early in the relationship. If you know you can’t afford to visit your partner more than once a month, say so up front instead of trying to stretch your funds.

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